[tim]

So, I got to brainstroming. This is just a suggestion. Don't feel obligated in any way to use it. But it may offer some ideas:

Clown 1: (enters, walks down center aisle determinedly until reaching front of room (or stage). Stops. Continues to face away from the audience. Raises right hand and waves.) "Hello Everybody!"

(He reacts to either their silence or shouts, but seems confused. Raises his left hand and waves.) "HELLO EVERYBODY!"

(Again he reacts, but still seems befuddled and shrugs his shoulders.)

"HEY!"

Clown 2: (comes traipsing up the aisle hurriedly, reaches the first clown, faces him generally - but more so open to the audience - and asks), "Did you call?"

Clown 1: "Call? I don't even have a telephone!"

Clown 2: "Well I heard something come in on the tin can."

Clown 1: "Oh, that was me!"

Clown 2: "Well, what is it?"

Clown 1: "Where are the people?"

Clown 2: (slowly turns around clown 1 to face forward to audience)

Clown 1: (reacts with surprise), "OH! There you are! Hi." (extends his arms as if to hug them. He then continues to make silly gestures towards them.)

Clown 2: (interrupting) "Eh, hum".

Clown 1: (turns to clown 2) "Don't you want to say hi to them."

Clown 2: (looks at audience and dryly recites) "Hello."

Clown 1: (continues to make playful gestures)

Clown 2: (seriously taps clown 1 on shoulder)

Clown 1: (turns too clown 2 and gleefully proclaims) "HI!"

Clown 2: (dryly) "Hello"

Clown 1: "How are you?"

Clown 2: "Fine. Thank you. Are you going to introduce the film?"

Clown 1: "Introduce the film?"

Clown 2: "Yes. Introduce the film."

Clown 1: "Alright. What do I say?"

Clown 2: "You say, 'Ladies and Gentlemen...'"

Clown 1: "Ladies and Gentleme... wait."

Clown 2: "What?"

Clown 1: "Let me show you." (He cautiously walks out to the audience. Picks his favorite male circus fan well known to all - maybe the President? Walks up behind him. Faces the stage and points to the fan. Shakes his head no. Then makes the shhh sign over his lips so as not to 'say anything' about the man. Next, he wags his finger at the fan. Makes the shame sign with his fingers to the fan. Says,) "You behave." (Moves to walk away back to stage, but then turns backs to him and says,) "Or I'll sic the tigers on you!" "Understand?" (nods his head). (Walks back to the stage. To clown 2,) "Now where was I?"

Clown 2: "Ladies and gentlemen..."

Clown 1: (flatly repeating), "Ladies and gentlemen."

Clown 2: "Come, now, you can do it better than that".

Clown 1: (more emphatic) "Ladies and gentlemen."

Clown 2: "With enthusiasm!"

Clown 1: (overboard and with large movement) "LADIES AND GENTLEMEN!"

Clown 2: "Very good. Children..."

Clown 1: "Childr..." (stops in his tracks. looks slowly around the room. turns to look with concern to clown 2), "Um... where are the kids?"

Clown 2: "They're out there" (gestures to audience)

Clown 1: (Points to audience while looking at clown 2) "Out there?"

Clown 2: "Yes, out there. Look!"

Clown 1: (Turns slowly back to audience. Looks around slowly. Looks back at clown 2) "I don't see them?"

Clown 2: "You DON'T?"

Clown 1: "No."

Clown 2: "Well, what DO you see?"

Clown 1: "A bunch of old people!"

Clown 2: (slaps clown 1)

Clown 1: "OUCH! Well YOU look at them!"

Clown 2: "Alright." (looks to them)

Clown 1: "Now what do YOU see?"

Clown 2: "I see children.... of ALL AGES!"

Clown 1: "OOOOOOOH. Alright." (looks to audience)

Clown 2: "Do you see them now?"

Clown 1: "Yes. I see children. Of all ages. Over 50."

Clown 2: (slaps clown 1)

Clown 1: (looks at clown 2, upset. Moves out to audience. Finds someone with a bag of popcorn.) "Well, I'm just going to take a seat with these kids out here, then."

Clown 2: "Fine". "Ladies and gentlemen..."

Clown 1: "Hey wait!"

Clown 2: "What?"

Clown 1: "I want to do a trick."

Clown 2: "A trick?"

Clown 1: "Yeah. Here watch this." (grabs the person's popcorn bag. takes a piece. tosses it up and tries to land in mouth. continues a couple of times, maybe even catching)

Clown 2: "Very well." (If clown 1 can't catch it, then clown 2 suggests that perhaps someone else can. If clown 1 does catch it, then clown 1 proceeds to suggest that maybe someone else can do it too).

Clown 1: (finding another member of the audience, motions to him to open up his mouth. walks up to the person, pulls a flashlight out of his pocket. looks in. pulls back and makes like he's scared at what he saw. finds another fan. Gets him to open his mouth. Gets him to stick out his tongue and say "ahhh", shines the flashlight in, gets close, pulls back. holds nose and waves at nose with other hand to indicate a bad smell. reaches into pocket and produces a small bottle of mouthwash, hands it to the fan. proceeds to find another fan. gets him to open mouth. Throws a piece of popcorn at him, intentionally missing. Tries again. Misses again.) "I don't know why he's missing, he has a big mouth!" (On the third try, throws a whole handful of popcorn at him twice. If, per chance, the audience member catches it, then just say, "she's good." and move on to try it again with someone else, "Let's see if HE can do it too!")

Clown 2: "Get back up here!"

Clown 1: (returns to stage)

Clown 2: (grabs bag of popcorn from him - if clown 1 hasn't already gotten rid of it) "I'm only letting you have 'invisible popcorn' from now on!"

Clown 1: "Invisible popcorn?"

Clown 2: "Yes. Here. You can put it in this empty bag." (shows the 'empty bag' to audience then hands it to clown 1).

Clown 1: (looks at empty bag) "What do I do with it?"

Clown 2: "You can ask the audience to fill it up with their invisible popcorn".

Clown 1: "Ask the audience to fill it up with their invisible popcorn."

Clown 2: "Yes. Now go to it!" (to audience), "Help him out, please".

Clown 1: (finding someone to play with, invites the fan to throw a piece of popcorn into his bag. The fan attempts, but the clown indicates that it was a miss... far short, and goes over to look at it on the floor, making fun of the fact that the fan couldn't get it far enough. He continues the charade with several other fans, having great fun with it, doing whacky stuff, catching pieces and clicking his bag to indicate that they have been caught.)

Clown 2: (as all of this unfolds, he watches on and reacts appropriately, then finally calls out to clown 1) "Is your bag full now?"

Clown 1: "Yes!"

Clown 2: "Good, well then come back up here."

Clown 1: (returns to stage while slyly looking giddy and holding bag up to mouth to inflate it, then shutting the air in)

Clown 2: (once he returns to stage) "Well done. Let's give him a round of applause."

(everyone claps)

Clown 1: (excitedly claps hands, popping bag and having real popcorn fly out all over the place)

Clown 2: (angry) "GET OUT OF HERE!" (grabs clown 1 by the collar and tosses him offstage)

Clown 1: (exits)

Clown 3 (tramp): (enters with broom, slowly making his way past clown 2 and sweeping things up)

Clown 2: (shaking head), "What a mess!"

Clown 2: (seriously and straightforward - not grandiose) "Ladies and Gentlemen, Children of All Ages, Presenting Our Featured Film This Evening: (name of film)!"

Clown 2: (exits)

Clown 3 (exits)

END