[Calavera]

Originally Posted by applegirl

Hey, hey- I like to burden open-minded friendly people with my issues sometimes, so I'll unload a few on any readers who care to read on- let me know if you've got thoughts/ insights/ criticisms...

Burden me, baby.

I'm having my third baby any day now- maybe tonight.

Yikes! I hope it goes smoothly for you.

I personally would love to get back to my career- teaching high school science- this fall, if I can get hired nearby- I miss the career a lot, and I miss the "normalcy" of having a regular job- I haven't worked full time for about a year and a half now (unemployment for a bit, FMLA leave, etc)

It's good for a woman to exercise her independence and power, so good on you. If you want to get back into the swing of the work place, I say go for it. Hopefully, I can give you decent advice on the topics below to do that.

Furthermore, my husband has had some concerns about the permanence of his job lately, and it's been stressful- He'd love to be in a position where he can give his boss the finger and walk away and find a better job if the man continues to fail to appreciate him...and although he could do that now- he's pretty hirable- I totally understand that he would feel more secure about the situation if I was working full time, so he's anxious for me to go back too.

I understand that dilemma. For safety's sake, I would also advise him not to give the boss the New York salute until you are in a secure job position. After all, it would be in the children's best interest, and I have a strong feeling that you really want that.
Once your in a job again, I'd be all for hubby going on to better things.

The financials of the situation don't make a lot of sense short-term; If I go back to work this fall, before my oldest starts school, the cost of daycare for THREE kids, plus travel costs, wardrobe, taxes, etc... we'd come out with a net financial gain, but it's narrow enough that it's not necessarily worth the fact that the kids wouldn't see either of their parents much, the house wouldn't be as clean and organized, the general mood of the household would be more rushed and stressed...

Now, that is a problem. I don't suppose you have any relatives nearby who could watch the children?
Even if that was the case, you also have the issues of not seeing the kids as much and the house losing its intimacy.
As much as it would hurt, I would wait a little while before going back to work. How long you wait is entirely up to you and what makes you the happiest.

And oh yeah, this brand new baby will have to suddenly spend most of each day in daycare at the tender age of only about three months, and that just kills me- I think the first year with a brand new baby is very stressful for me as the mom, but it's also a time when the child is so helpless that my instincts and hormones are on at full- blast to do everything I can to be there for that baby and make its life as perfect as possible. After about 8-9 months, the older the child gets, the easier it is for me to separate myself a little at a time, and let them start to learn and grow and develop a bit in ways that don't rely on me as much- the separation increases with age, but I still am very protective of all my kids, of course...

Maybe around the time the baby reaches a year old or so would be a good time. Until then, you could be with the baby and you and hubby could set a little money aside to save up for the price of daycare and other necessities.

So - a big part of me thinks I should give up on the job idea for one more year.

As much as that might be hard to swallow, it might be the best thing for now.

BUT- I have a lot of pride too, I do NOT like to be a dependent and do NOT like to tell my husband I've decided he needs to continue to support four dependents - me plus 3 kids- for another whole year, because I just am not willing to work yet- AND- the sooner I get back to work the sooner I move back up the teaching payscale- AND- lots of kids see their mom go back to work even earlier than 3 months- the child will learn and adapt and be fine in the long run- AND- there is a net financial gain - AND- this may keep my older kids from being as spoiled, having mommy home at their beck - and- call...

I think your husband would understand, I really do. You might not have to wait until a year, who knows? Maybe you could find yourself with the means to afford daycare, etc. and still live comfortably.

I'm actually just today throwing the idea around in my head of putting together a couple of Apple Newton the Science Clown gigs and seeing if I can make enough money that way to pay for someone to watch the kids while I do shows at schools, and maybe also this way make myself and my husband feel better about me not working full time in the fall... ?

Take that idea and run with it! Anything you feel good doing in order to help you in your situation is always a good thing to go with.

I guess if I could ask for one quick bit of input from anybody who wants to give it- it would be- am I in a position to (a) just tell my husband that I will NOT return for full-time work this fall, that it just doesn't make sense to me right now? Or (b) between my own waffling on the topic, and the fact that I've got no promise of income at all if I don't work, and the fact that the lack of job security is weighing on our minds, is it best for me to just take whatever I get job wise, and get over the fact that the baby will be a young baby?

Thanks from a conflicted clown wannabe-

Honestly, I don't know. My best advice would be to think it over and talk it over with your husband. Don't be too quick to make a decision.
If it were me, I would take up a part-time job at first. True, it doesn't pay very well, but it's a good place to start. You'd be there with the kids more than you would at a full time job, and you wouldn't need to pay so much for daycare. Add that to the fact that you would still be bringing in some money, albeit not much, that could be put aside for daycare, etc. to make it less financially dear when you get ready for the full time once more.

And that is my advice, crappy as it may be.