Applegirl:
After I read your post last night, I started pondering my own decision 13 years ago to give up a career and stay home with children. Did I do the right thing? If I could do it all over again, would I do the same thing?
It’s such a personal decision; there is no “once size fits all” answer. Nothing irks me more than career women who snub their noses at stay-at-home mothers, or stay-at-home moms who point their fingers at working moms, accusing them of neglecting their kids.
I have friends who would have gone bonkers if they’d given up their careers. They took their 12-week maternity leave, then happily trotted back to work and never looked back. I know other women who chose to stay home with their little dumplings, focusing solely on child-rearing year after y ear, and now, with children grown, have a very narrow definition of who they are as women. Who are they with no little ones to care for?
For me, I truly believe that staying home with the kids was the right thing to do.
Do I sometimes wish I had a fabulous career to brag about in the annual Christmas letter? Sure. Do I wish I had more money in my retirement account, that I was contributing more to the kids’ college funds, and most importantly, that I had a big bundle of cash for new clown toys? You bet. Do I worry about the stress my husband feels as the family’s sole breadwinner – especially in an environment where it seems no job is secure. Absolutely.
There were so many factors that influenced my decision not to go back to work-- moving 7 times in 12 years and a husband who works 13-hour-plus days -– just to name a couple. Sometimes new acquaintances look puzzled when I tell them I’m still home with my kids. After all, the kids are not toddlers anymore (I have three girls, ages 8, 11, and 13—so help me God) Maybe they don’t need me around every single moment anymore. But then I slap myself and remember what a naughty teenager I was -- sneaking out of the house at night and throwing keggers when the parents were out of town. My parents were so caught up in their own lives and careers, that they scarcely noticed their daughter’s shenanigans. When they did, I was rarely disciplined. I know that my little angels would never strive for the level of juvenile delinquency that I did, but, heaven forbid, if they do, I will be there to steer them back on the right track.
One thing I do regret is that I didn’t maintain a “foot in the career door.” After I quit my last “real” job. I had good intentions. Really, I did!
I have a journalism background. For the first couple years after I quit, I worked very hard to do at least a few freelance writing projects every year. This was not easily accomplished, since NONE of my kids napped. Ever. I recall interviewing a physician for a magazine article while, in the background, a 3-year-old whined incessantly for chocolate milk. I felt so unprofessional. And then we’d move again, and I’d have to completely re-establish professional contacts. Then I felt like my computer skills were so outdated and irrelevant.
Excuses, excuses, I know. I could have made it work if I had really wanted to.
I guess what I am trying to say is, that if you decide to stay home with your kids, maintain ties to your professional world. Stay in contact with your peers in education. Maintain your certification. Substitute teach a couple times a month—even if there’s nothing in it for you financially. Stay in touch with the world of teaching so that, when you do decide to go back to work, you don’t feel like you’re entering a frightening and foreign world.
Most importantly, follow your instincts and don’t let anybody EVER make you feel guilty about your decision. Ultimately, you know what’s best for you and your family.
Now go do some jumping jacks, clean your house, drink a quart of castor oil or do whatever it takes to get that baby out of your belly! Best of luck to you, Applegirl!
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