[milo]

I’ve been trawling the internet for some funny one liners to memorise and throw out whenever the opportunity arises.

Some of these tickled me – Anybody got any good ones to add?


No one is listening until you make a mistake.

Always remember that you are unique; just like everyone else.

I started out with nothing and I still have most of it.

Sometimes I wake up grumpy; other times I let her sleep.

I took an IQ test and the results were negative

Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.

I just let my mind wander, and it didn't come back.

Don't steal. The government hates competition.

Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular?

I intend to live forever. So far so good.

Stop repeat offenders. Don't re-elect them!

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?