[Oollilolli]

Roseanne:
Urrrrrp. What chicken?

Jack Benny:
I'm thinking. ... I'm thinking

Woody Allen:
I mean, it was, it was ... a legal chicken ... It wasn't like it was a blood relative or anything. (And don't believe anything that Mia says about me.)

Buddha:
If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken nature.

James Cagney:
It crossed twice. The dirty double-crosser.

John Cleese:
This Chicken is no more. It has ceased to function. Bereft of life, it rests in peace. It's a stiff. If it wasn't nailed to the road it'd be pushing up daisies. It's snuffed it. It's metabolic processes are now history. It's bleeding demised. It's rung down the curtain, shuffled off the mortal coil and joined the bleeding Choir Invisible. This is an Ex-Chicken. Ergo, it did not cross the road.

Darwin:
Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally selected in such a way that they are now genetically predisposed to cross road.

James Dean:
To prove he wasn't chicken.

Emily Dickenson:
Because it could not stop for death.

Albert Einstein:
Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road crossed the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.

Ralph Waldo Emerson:
It didn't cross the road; it transcended it.

Freud:
The fact that you thought that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.

Bill Gates:
To purchase Chicken 2.01a, which will both cross roads and calculate the energy it used. There are bugs, yes, but if you uninstall Traffic 2.0 and Farmer 1.2 it will run. If it freezes at WhiteLine 2.0, we have a patch ...

Saddam Hussein:
It is the Mother of all Chickens.

Martin Luther King, Jr.:
I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.

Machiavelli:
The point is that the chicken crossed the road. Who cares why? The ends of crossing the road justify whatever motive there was.

Karl Marx:
It crossed twice. First time, it was a tragedy; second time, a farce.

Chico Marx:
It couldn't. It was a rubber chicken.

Groucho Marx:
Chicken? What's all this talk about chicken? Why, I had an uncle who thought he was a chicken. My aunt almost divorced him, but we needed the eggs.

Jackie Mason:
Whaddaya want, it should just stand there?

Fox Mulder:
It was a government conspiracy.

Jack Nicholson:
'Cause it ***** wanted to. That's the ****** reason.

And finally, my absolute favorite:

Harpo Marx:
Honk! Honk! Honk!