Ok, so being Perry Noia the Scaredy Clown, I have a bag full of "emergency" stuff to keep me safe. I'm looking for more ideas of what to put in this bag 'o many things that would be funny.

Here's my list so far:
- Parachute (in case I fall)
- Scarey Clown Repellant (my tactic if someone is scared of me is to act dumb as if I don't know where the "scarey" clown is and spray both of us with the repellant, or just me and offer them some)
- Spinning flashy light (to signal for help)
- Lots of handkerchiefs (ok it's an old gag, but it's funny anyway)
- Emergency candles (I don't have any matches or a lighter though because those are dangerous)
- Towel (if anyone asks I can go into the many uses for a towel as given in the Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy)

I was going to add a butterfly net in case I'm attacked by butterflies and fish nets (stockings) in case I'm attacked by fish, but I couldn't find either at the dollarama the other day, so it'll have to wait. Any other suggestions?

Some magic props that could double as safety items:

Dancing Butterflies -- Fanning yourself on a hot day when you're swarmed by butterflies.
Mangled Parasol -- Fear of rain.. You could probably work lightning strike patter into this prop.
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Non-magical props:

Giant Fly Swatter for stinging insects
Giant Sunglasses for UV protection

OH! I forgot... I have one of those little umbrella hats! It doesn't fit my head, but I can still hold it up if I even bother opening it.

Water wings, or a pool floating horse,a loonie or a penny (they keep dragons away.... You don't see any do you????)

a penny keeps dragons away? where's that from?

A strange old guy that came to our yard sale years ago.

How Strange?
Well, He drove an old bread truck for a daily driver.

how about a giant band-aid?

what all are you afraid of? anything dangerous? I would wear gloves in case the kid has been eating "anything you're allergic to" and then when they ask what you are allergic to say "I haven't found anything yet, but you can't be too safe"

I would definitely keep a stash of rubber chicken Tootsie-Pops in there so you don't starve to death!

eeew tootsie pops! maybe a powerbar or something like that...

I was thinking bandaids wouldn't be a bad idea... even in case the parents don't have any close by if someone gets a booboo.

I'm thinking of stuff that's really obviously dangerous (like tigers and stuff) and things that nobody would be afraid of (like butterflies), but avoiding things that the kids might be afraid of but shouldn't be so that I don't give them reasons to fear it? Does that make sense? Like I won't touch a fear of doctors, in fact I'd like to stay away from germs if possible so I don't create any hypochondriacs (or offend any for that matter).

You could pick a color you are afraid of. If it is red you would be afraid of your own nose.

Watch Monk to see the expert of fear. He is so funny.

Once at six flags we would have prconcived notions about the color yellow. Because lemons are yellow and we know that if a car is a lemon it is a bad thing because my aunt lulla belle once... You get the idea. And at six flags you had to stand behind the yellow line. It was more fun that saying "stand behind the yellow line".

Monk!!! I love that show. And my favorite is when he uses one level to make sure a second level is level so he calls it his level leveler. And just to make sure the level leveler is level he has it calibrated once a year. Cracks me up! Had to show my husband that one when I saw it a few weeks ago ... so yesterday he walks in holding his level leveler up to a level to make sure it was level.