OK. I want everyone to start thinking like a clown and tell us how you would deal with the following scenario:

You are at the airport and they tell you your bag is too heavy.

Here is a little background information.....

When I was at Circus Magic, I sat in on a workshop on writing skits and gags. My group came up with a skit for a group of clowns at the airport. Several clowns had very heavy bags and the last clown had a very light bag. When the last clown tried to check his bag, he was told it was too light and he would have to pay the Underweight Bag Fee.

The skit has potential for physical commedy with the heavy bags and a blowoff with the clown having to pay a fee because his bag was not heavy enough. I sent my idea to Pricilla Mooseburger with hopes that we could do it at Moose Camp this summer in the All Star Clown Show.

She liked the idea and shared it with her clown alley and came up with a few other twists. I liked them because mine really didn't take advantage of the people being clowns. She had the clowns with the heavy bags try to come up with ways of making their bags lighter.

One clown blew up some balloons and stuck them in the bag. The Airline employee popped the balloons and said the bag was still too heavy.

Another clown started taking items out of the bag and putting them on. When the bag was finally light enough, he was told that now he was too heavy.

So, think like a clown and come up with another thing a clown might do in this situation.

I would attach a helium balloon to it in order to make it lighter to lift.

But then the balloon (not well attached) would fly away and the bag hit the ground.

You could start pulling all kinds of odd stuff out of the bag. Give it away to people, since you can't carry it on.

Then try to carry the people in through checked luggage.

"Sir, what do you think you are doing?"

"I'd like to check my old bag!" (Mother-in-law)

Switch clothes with them. "Hey I like that tie!" and grab it off the other clown to put on yourself.

Have faux weights in the bag, like barbells labeled "50 LBS." Take it out and hand it to a little kid who won't have any problem at all holding these balloons on a stick high above his head.

Make lunch by pulling our a rubber chicken and prop bread. Hand the sandwich to another clown who begins to eat it.

On repeated checks, the bag is always still too heavy. Eventually it is entirely empty. And the agent is content. Now, all he has to do is stamp your ticket and you can pass through security to be on your way. Wait, what's this? "Sir, this is a ticket for the TRAIN!"

Find someone in line with a smaller bag and trade bags with them. Let them deal with the overweight bag...

Open the bag and tell you wife who is inside it that you knew it wouldn't work....

Open the bag and take out the kitchen sink....

It's probably not the exact sort of concept you are going for, but Noel Williams has an entire clown show built around the idea of a traveler who must leave town and is carrying too much heavy baggage, so can't exactly proceed. See it if you ever have the chance.

YouTube - Trailer for "Party of One" (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NoxeOVF0uNI)

check out Mr. Bean packing a small suit case. very funny

I'd open the bag and let out all the butterflies. Then I'd take out my clothes and shake out all the teacups. Finally, I'd remove all the print from the books I'd planned to read on the plane then board the plane with the empty bag!

I'd open up the bag and let the contortionist out. Then the clown. Then the showgirl. Then the tiger. Dolls.

That's easy to solve. Sneak the items into a few different people's luggage and then try and round it up once you're through security.

That's cute. I like it.

Oh, I've GOT IT!!! Take a HUGE <foam> wrench out of the bag, promptly give the scale a few WHACKS. Replace the wrench into the bag, if the bag still reads as too heavy, repeat the process until the scale is broken and no longer says the bag is too heavy.

Imagine The Banana Man having to empty his pockets!

Alright, so (since part of this concept was, indeed, inspired by watching video of his act) I'll share a bit from the ideas of the airport gag I wrote awhile back. Now, the concept here is different. It is a satire about the difficulty of getting through airport security these days. (The fact that I had a bit about not being able to bring through a cup of coffee BEFORE liquids were banned seems prophetic.)

The helpless traveler walks intently up to the check in counter where the TSA agent asks to check his ticket. Turns out he's traveling "abroad." "No, I'm a man!" His bags must be gone through and his pockets emptied. As the agent at the counter begins to go through hid belongings, all kinds of crazy stuff is pulled from the case: a rubber chicken, a neglige. His pockets (equally) are overloaded. At one point the tray which he continues to fill and stack up mountain high is so overloaded that the agent pulls out another tray from his bags and sets it on the table just in the nick of time for him to drop something extra inside.

Eventually, the agent begins to discover stuff which is problematic. It will have to clear "Customs." So she calls for him.

"Customs!'

"Coming!" (out walks a keystone cop)

"Keys!" (or something else starting with a hard c/k sound)

Through some patter and silly actions (I won't give away my ENTIRE skit), customs confiscates the item for his own personal use, then disappears after announcing that it's been "Cleared!"

Well, eventually all the items in luggage are ready to be checked in. But our hapless passenger must now hurry to make his flight. "Just right this way through the metal detector, kindly!"

But it beeps. So he checks his pockets. Empty. Step through again. It beeps again. They'll have to use the wand to find the problem (this leads to more comic antics.) Having given up - the agent shrugs her shoulders and drops the wand. It lands at the traveler's feet and begins to beep.

"It's in the shoes! Take them off! Take them off.!"

Well, now even more stuff starts coming out of the shoes. Finally, she finds a balloon.

"Ah, ha! What's this? You're obviously trying to sneak something past us!"

"That? It's just a balloon."

"A WHAT?"

"A balloon. Yes, you see, I'm a clown. I twist balloons into all kinds of interesting animals."

"NO PETS ON THE PLANE!"

"No, no. They're just pretend animals. You use your imagination. Would you like one?"

Flattered at the offer, she becomes a little less bossy and accepts the offer, trying to decide what sort of animal she wants as he inflates the balloon. But things don't go as expected, which leads us to our unexpected (and satirical) blow off.

I'd open up the bag and let the contortionist out. Then the clown. Then the showgirl. Then the tiger. Dolls.

OR open the bag and a lot of clowns come out! After all it IS a clown suitcase! :pie:

I would probably open up my suitcase, without saying a word, and start putting on all the clothing in there. Then zip it back up and hand it to them. Voila!

Oops! I just read that my idea was one of the originals. Hmm, how about opening up my suitcase and taking out a whole pile of absurd items--a brick, wrench, sack of flour, computer keyboard, etc.

OR open the bag and a lot of clowns come out! After all it IS a clown suitcase! :pie:


And you thought that packing a clown car was a lot of work.

Your packed clothing could have a loose thread. When you start pulling on it, it keeps coming out as a 15 or 30 foot silk.

You take out a large sandwich and a 2-liter bottle of soda and have lunch.

You open it up and pull out a second suitcase. You repeat the process with each suitcase a little smaller than the last until you get one the size of a lunchbox. (and eat the sandwich, then repack all of the suitcases...)

You open it up and pull out a second suitcase. You repeat the process with each suitcase a little smaller than the last until you get one the size of a lunchbox. (and eat the sandwich, then repack all of the suitcases...)


Then OF COURSE the suitcase would be light enough to fly! Excellent suggestion. Besides, I can't take that 2 liter of fizzy water past security anyway, right? Why not share it with the other people standing in line but spraying them to cool them off!