the great pun-off thread!

[Nettie Belle]

While we were waiting for these tests, we picked up a newspaper with the front page headlines, "Two peanuts were walking down a sidewalk. One was assaulted….."

[Sonshine D Clown]

He ate so much over the holidays that he decided to quit cold turkey

[Nettie Belle]

Ooh ... cold turkey, huh? Well, that's a lot better than a cold shoulder. That's what the cannibal got when he showed up late for lunch ... a COLD SHOULDER.

[Fitzwilly]

Rather cheeky I'd say.

[Nettie Belle]

Cheeky??? That reminds me of a story about Leonard Cheeks. It goes like this:

Once there was this bus which happened to be from Sesame Street. On the bus were some very strange people with very strange things to do. First, there were two very large and muscular gals who were identical twins and were both named “Patty“.

Ok, then there was a man named Ross. He was a very eccentric guy so he was nicknamed "Special Ross". Also on the bus was a very large man named Leonard who had puffy cheeks. Because of his puffy cheeks, everyone called him "Leonard Cheeks".

The whole busload of people on the bus had bad bunions that they picked and scratched all the time.

What do we call this bus filled with strange people?

Of course; we call them: "Two all-beef Patties, Special Ross, Leonard Cheeks, pickin' bunions, on a Sesame Street bus!"

[Nettie Belle]

... and speaking of Patty, that brings to mind another story.


A frog walks into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that her name is "Patricia Whack".

"Miss Whack, I'd like to borrow $3,000 to take a nice vacation."

Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.

The frog says, "Sure. I have this," and produces a tiny ceramic elephant, about an inch tall. Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager. When she finds the bank manager, she says, "There's a frog out there who wants to borrow $3,000 and he wants to use this as collateral."

She holds up the tiny ceramic elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?"

The bank manager looks back at her and says...

"It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan."

[Sonshine D Clown]

I used to work for Budweiser, but then I got canned.

[Nettie Belle]

Oh, I'm sorry to hear that but maybe it's for the best ... you might end up drinking lots of beer and gaining weight and being overweight is no weigh to live.

[Gladman]

A tutor who tooted a flute,
Tried to teach two young tooters to toot.
Said the two to the tutor,
“Is it harder to toot, or....
To tutor two tooters to toot?”

[Sonshine D Clown]

A Middle Aged tutor, his actions creak louder than words.