Dog and cat diaries

[Gladman]

DOG DIARY

8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!
12:00 PM - Lunch! My favorite thing!
1:00 PM - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!
3:00 PM - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!
5:00 PM - Milk bones! My favorite thing!
7:00 PM - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!
8:00 PM - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!
11:00 PM - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!



CAT DIARY

Day 983 of my captivity.

My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.

They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape.

In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a 'good little hunter' I am.

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of 'allergies.' I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.

Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.

I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches.

The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.

[Twinkles LC]

dear diary,
knocked over plant ---then left dog toy by it----hid and watched as dog got punished. score 1 for cat and 0 for dog.

dear diary,
i know that cat set me up today, but that is okay---she will never get out of trouble for the mess around the litter box--How does she use that thing anyway? score 1 for dog and 0 for cat. Oh I also peed on the rug and didn't get caught---woof that gives me ummm what comes after 1?

[Harpoetta]

Don't forget the end of the cat's entry!


Here it is.


The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe.

For now...

[Sir Toony Van Dukes]

Dear Diary, another successful day guarding the house. In the morning, I shooed the neighbor's cat out of the yard. I said, "Hi!" to the paperboy and mail man. Finally, I got rid of the door-to-door salesman.


Dear Diary, I was hoping for a quiet day to stalk prey. I found a bird looking for worms when that noisy dog next door started barking up a storm. I had to leave defeated. Maybe tomorrow.

[Twinkles LC]

dear diary,
I know something serious is going down---everyone is acting really nice ----even the cat seems to be smiling at me. I must find out what is up. Meanwhile I spilled stuff all over that cat--after that grooming she will be hacking up hair balls for a week--so why is she smirking at me?

dear diary,
cough--cough---that dog thinks he is so funny spilling stuff all over my beautiful coat---cough ----cough---but just wait till tomorrow when--- cough---- that dog sees where he is going---cough---Smile----off to the animal doctor---The Vet---cough--cough. I will have a smile of revenge on my pretty kitty face as they drag him out whining and clawing. Oh just a minute--cough--cough---no now I have to go too because of a hairball---mew--Score one for dog.