Epiphany?

[Calavera]

About three nights ago, I could not sleep if my life depended on it. Bored with just lying in bed waiting to drift off, I got up and did what I usually do when I am bored out of my skull: I went out on the back steps to smoke and listen to my ipod. While I was out there, I caught sight of my grandmother's hot-pink hammock by the shed that she had apparently set up earlier that day now that it is beginning to warm up. I went to lie down in it and continued chain smoking and listening to whatever emo band was on the ipod at that time.

Around my fourth cigarette in a row, I cut off my ipod, put my pack of cigarettes back in my pocket and just let the breeze swing me. Then, I began to wonder about myself, my life, and where I am going. Like it always does, my depression came back down on me and I then started to wonder why I am so sad and what I could do to change it. that's when I made my silent and short plea for an epiphany to answer some of these question.

Just a few minutes ago, I think I got that epiphany. I went out on the back steps and had a cigarette. Usually, I just look down at the cement, but I decided to glance at the railing to the right of my for once. When I looked there, I saw the most beautiful moth I have ever laid eyes upon in my life.

The wings were a very light shade of beige and the body was pure white. It was perfectly elegant and beautiful in every way. It did not flutter around the light like the other moths, but simply made its little place on the railing. It was unmoved by the drizzling rain, the howling wind, by the noises my jacket made in the wind, and even by my touch. I swear, thinking it was dead, I nudged it. Getting no response, I scooped it onto my hand. It fluttered its wings and walked around on my hand. I put it on the ground and it promptly flew back up to its previous perch.

I took it to mean that some kind of higher power had sent me a message. I thought the message was that if I keep focusing on only one area of life, I will be bombarded with the same monotony and melancholy. But, if I look in places that I normally do not look, I will find release and happiness.

So, here's the question. Is this really a sign or am I just reading far too much into a simple moth? If it is a sign, is my interpretation making sense? If so, what could that "other place" to look be?

[Fitzwilly]

I think you have already started looking to at least one "other place." Here on the Forum you have developed a variety of friends and aquaintances that you wouldn't have had if you would have looked in the same places you had been spending your time. One of the nicer facets of this Forum is that we have our fun and our funny moments but we acnowledge and embrace a more thoughtful side as well. We find your posts very thought provoking and interesting. I was not around last week so I have not had a chance yet to catch up on your dialogue with Applegirl but I appreciate the opportunity we have here to exchange our ideas and I appreciate your ability and willingness to put sometimes difficult and often abstract thought into words. I for one am richer for you being here and participating.

[Calavera]

Originally Posted by Fitzwilly

I for one am richer for you being here and participating.

Wow...thanks. That means a lot to me, Fitz, and I appreciate that.

[Snugglesnort]

Epiphanies are like that. They come out of no where, and they hit you hard.

The epiphany is not the moth, the moth just brought it on. The epiphany is the message, which is definitly true and relevatory when it really hits you: Montony is death. Veriaty is life. If you are doing the same thing, always looking in the same places, listening to the same people say the same things, you aren't living. It is when you look where you haven't, do what you have never done, meet people you havent met, with points of view you have not heard, that you come alive.

That is why kids are so full of life. Everything is new to them.

The "other place" is everywhere around you, behind fences, bushes and doors. Down alleys, rivers, and crooked streets. It is up on roof tops and under bridges, and other poetically sutible places. It is on you back porch railing.

Anyways, I think it is great you had a epiphany! I love having them myself. The idea of becoming a clown was a epiphany for me. Happend the thanksgiving after I graduated from college. Everything just sort of clicked, and said "Be a clown."

[Fitzwilly]

I love your avatar Cal. It is clean and simple but yet very artistic. It seems to say a lot. I didn't read the word for awhile because I was absorbing the overall effect.

[tim]

Originally Posted by Fitzwilly

I love your avatar Cal. It is clean and simple but yet very artistic. It seems to say a lot. I didn't read the word for awhile because I was absorbing the overall effect.

The eyes are the window to the soul.

[Fitzwilly]

For SS that might be Seoul.

And Cal's very beautiful eye happens to be closed at the moment.

A paraphrase from Willy Wonka "No one ever goes in... And no one ever comes out.."

Perhaps then some of the melancholy is created or at least replicated by the energy being focused internally and reflecting around and around inside the mind. Seeing the moth is the first step in opening the eyes and seeing beyond... seeing something new... finding release...