non-clown/ off-topic- all my personal issues...

[applegirl]

Hey, hey- I like to burden open-minded friendly people with my issues sometimes, so I'll unload a few on any readers who care to read on- let me know if you've got thoughts/ insights/ criticisms...

I'm having my third baby any day now- maybe tonight.

I personally would love to get back to my career- teaching high school science- this fall, if I can get hired nearby- I miss the career a lot, and I miss the "normalcy" of having a regular job- I haven't worked full time for about a year and a half now (unemployment for a bit, FMLA leave, etc)

Furthermore, my husband has had some concerns about the permanence of his job lately, and it's been stressful- He'd love to be in a position where he can give his boss the finger and walk away and find a better job if the man continues to fail to appreciate him...and although he could do that now- he's pretty hirable- I totally understand that he would feel more secure about the situation if I was working full time, so he's anxious for me to go back too.

The financials of the situation don't make a lot of sense short-term; If I go back to work this fall, before my oldest starts school, the cost of daycare for THREE kids, plus travel costs, wardrobe, taxes, etc... we'd come out with a net financial gain, but it's narrow enough that it's not necessarily worth the fact that the kids wouldn't see either of their parents much, the house wouldn't be as clean and organized, the general mood of the household would be more rushed and stressed...

And oh yeah, this brand new baby will have to suddenly spend most of each day in daycare at the tender age of only about three months, and that just kills me- I think the first year with a brand new baby is very stressful for me as the mom, but it's also a time when the child is so helpless that my instincts and hormones are on at full- blast to do everything I can to be there for that baby and make its life as perfect as possible. After about 8-9 months, the older the child gets, the easier it is for me to separate myself a little at a time, and let them start to learn and grow and develop a bit in ways that don't rely on me as much- the separation increases with age, but I still am very protective of all my kids, of course...

So - a big part of me thinks I should give up on the job idea for one more year.

BUT- I have a lot of pride too, I do NOT like to be a dependent and do NOT like to tell my husband I've decided he needs to continue to support four dependents - me plus 3 kids- for another whole year, because I just am not willing to work yet- AND- the sooner I get back to work the sooner I move back up the teaching payscale- AND- lots of kids see their mom go back to work even earlier than 3 months- the child will learn and adapt and be fine in the long run- AND- there is a net financial gain - AND- this may keep my older kids from being as spoiled, having mommy home at their beck - and- call...

AND- it's very hard to find part-time work that pays more than the cost of childcare for 3.

I'm actually just today throwing the idea around in my head of putting together a couple of Apple Newton the Science Clown gigs and seeing if I can make enough money that way to pay for someone to watch the kids while I do shows at schools, and maybe also this way make myself and my husband feel better about me not working full time in the fall... ?

I really like to have a decision MADE- and right now it looks like this is more of an evolving situation, where I'll probably get interviews, hopefully get job offers, look at the finances a few different ways, discuss the situation with my husband- and try to come up with the best possible deal- and in the end be totally unsatisfied either way, whether I go back to work full-time as a teacher, or stay home and try to scratch out some money here and there while caring for 3 little kids.

I guess if I could ask for one quick bit of input from anybody who wants to give it- it would be- am I in a position to (a) just tell my husband that I will NOT return for full-time work this fall, that it just doesn't make sense to me right now? Or (b) between my own waffling on the topic, and the fact that I've got no promise of income at all if I don't work, and the fact that the lack of job security is weighing on our minds, is it best for me to just take whatever I get jobwise, and get over the fact that the baby will be a young baby?

Thanks from a conflicted clown wannabe-

[Calavera]

Wow. Alright, let me absorb all of that and think it over.

[Miss Petunia]

Being a mother is the highest calling a woman can have. If you can financially manage to be home with your precious little ones for another year, go for it. Absolutely, I think you should pursue more clowning gigs. Get yourself out of the house! I work 1-3 days a week as a dental hygienist. My children are 3 1/2 and 5. When my second was born, I worked 1-2 days a week. I cherish being home with my children, and being a teacher, you will be working full-time plus.

also, with the cost of daycare, would you even be ahead enough to make it worth it?

Do what is best for you and your family!
Carrie

[Calavera]

Originally Posted by applegirl

Hey, hey- I like to burden open-minded friendly people with my issues sometimes, so I'll unload a few on any readers who care to read on- let me know if you've got thoughts/ insights/ criticisms...

Burden me, baby.

I'm having my third baby any day now- maybe tonight.

Yikes! I hope it goes smoothly for you.

I personally would love to get back to my career- teaching high school science- this fall, if I can get hired nearby- I miss the career a lot, and I miss the "normalcy" of having a regular job- I haven't worked full time for about a year and a half now (unemployment for a bit, FMLA leave, etc)

It's good for a woman to exercise her independence and power, so good on you. If you want to get back into the swing of the work place, I say go for it. Hopefully, I can give you decent advice on the topics below to do that.

Furthermore, my husband has had some concerns about the permanence of his job lately, and it's been stressful- He'd love to be in a position where he can give his boss the finger and walk away and find a better job if the man continues to fail to appreciate him...and although he could do that now- he's pretty hirable- I totally understand that he would feel more secure about the situation if I was working full time, so he's anxious for me to go back too.

I understand that dilemma. For safety's sake, I would also advise him not to give the boss the New York salute until you are in a secure job position. After all, it would be in the children's best interest, and I have a strong feeling that you really want that.
Once your in a job again, I'd be all for hubby going on to better things.

The financials of the situation don't make a lot of sense short-term; If I go back to work this fall, before my oldest starts school, the cost of daycare for THREE kids, plus travel costs, wardrobe, taxes, etc... we'd come out with a net financial gain, but it's narrow enough that it's not necessarily worth the fact that the kids wouldn't see either of their parents much, the house wouldn't be as clean and organized, the general mood of the household would be more rushed and stressed...

Now, that is a problem. I don't suppose you have any relatives nearby who could watch the children?
Even if that was the case, you also have the issues of not seeing the kids as much and the house losing its intimacy.
As much as it would hurt, I would wait a little while before going back to work. How long you wait is entirely up to you and what makes you the happiest.

And oh yeah, this brand new baby will have to suddenly spend most of each day in daycare at the tender age of only about three months, and that just kills me- I think the first year with a brand new baby is very stressful for me as the mom, but it's also a time when the child is so helpless that my instincts and hormones are on at full- blast to do everything I can to be there for that baby and make its life as perfect as possible. After about 8-9 months, the older the child gets, the easier it is for me to separate myself a little at a time, and let them start to learn and grow and develop a bit in ways that don't rely on me as much- the separation increases with age, but I still am very protective of all my kids, of course...

Maybe around the time the baby reaches a year old or so would be a good time. Until then, you could be with the baby and you and hubby could set a little money aside to save up for the price of daycare and other necessities.

So - a big part of me thinks I should give up on the job idea for one more year.

As much as that might be hard to swallow, it might be the best thing for now.

BUT- I have a lot of pride too, I do NOT like to be a dependent and do NOT like to tell my husband I've decided he needs to continue to support four dependents - me plus 3 kids- for another whole year, because I just am not willing to work yet- AND- the sooner I get back to work the sooner I move back up the teaching payscale- AND- lots of kids see their mom go back to work even earlier than 3 months- the child will learn and adapt and be fine in the long run- AND- there is a net financial gain - AND- this may keep my older kids from being as spoiled, having mommy home at their beck - and- call...

I think your husband would understand, I really do. You might not have to wait until a year, who knows? Maybe you could find yourself with the means to afford daycare, etc. and still live comfortably.

I'm actually just today throwing the idea around in my head of putting together a couple of Apple Newton the Science Clown gigs and seeing if I can make enough money that way to pay for someone to watch the kids while I do shows at schools, and maybe also this way make myself and my husband feel better about me not working full time in the fall... ?

Take that idea and run with it! Anything you feel good doing in order to help you in your situation is always a good thing to go with.

I guess if I could ask for one quick bit of input from anybody who wants to give it- it would be- am I in a position to (a) just tell my husband that I will NOT return for full-time work this fall, that it just doesn't make sense to me right now? Or (b) between my own waffling on the topic, and the fact that I've got no promise of income at all if I don't work, and the fact that the lack of job security is weighing on our minds, is it best for me to just take whatever I get job wise, and get over the fact that the baby will be a young baby?

Thanks from a conflicted clown wannabe-

Honestly, I don't know. My best advice would be to think it over and talk it over with your husband. Don't be too quick to make a decision.
If it were me, I would take up a part-time job at first. True, it doesn't pay very well, but it's a good place to start. You'd be there with the kids more than you would at a full time job, and you wouldn't need to pay so much for daycare. Add that to the fact that you would still be bringing in some money, albeit not much, that could be put aside for daycare, etc. to make it less financially dear when you get ready for the full time once more.

And that is my advice, crappy as it may be.

[pixcoco]

And now the point of view of someone who has a few more years on her.
It would be nice to have financial security. We would all like that. But I have learned to go with the flow a bit more. I had to let go of the idea of knowing where I would be or what I would be doing this time next year. That was a big step for me. I didn't use to handle surprizes very well. I thought I had to have all the answers TODAY.
Well, I don't think we can have all the answers ahead of time. And maybe it can even be good not to. Looking back I drove myself crazy trying to get everything done and meeting everyone elses expectations. I missed a big piece of my life. I worked. I worked hard all the time. At work and at home. I cleaned and crafted. Cooked and everything you can imagin. If I sat for a minute guilt would take over for the landry not done yet ect.
I went thru a multitude of stress related ailments.
So how does this relate to your question? I think you have to let go of the expectation of knowing what to do ahead of time.
If you are lead to be creative I think you should follow that path. Teaching will be there in the future when your kids are bigger. By that time you will know if the clown thing is going to work for you.
As much as you want to, you can't fix your husbands problems for him. He is a big boy and will figure that out for himself. Just be supportive of his decisions as you let HIM make them for himself. I'm a fix it person to so know how hard that is.
You don't need that extra responsibility, and the stress will take its toll.
Your job is to take care of the kids and the kids Mom.
Trust God to take care of things to. That is not to say you should sit and wait for that to happen. Just don't worry yourself to death over things that might not even happen, or even worse, things you have no control over.
If things change so can you.
Just ramblings of an old clown.
Eat dessert first.
worry less.
play with the kids.

[Calavera]

I'd listen to Coco. She knows what she's talking about.

[Waldo]

Dear Applegirl,

The motto around my house is find new job, then waiver the old boss goodbye. It is tough to be under appreciated, but your new babies welfare is more important and your being there is more important right now.

PS: Please consider naming the baby after me, even if it is a girl, it would be unique.

[Jolly Well]

Tough situation. If your income by going by to work is going to be negated by daycare and other costs, then spending the next year off isn't the end of the world. Considered a middle ground? - maybe substituting 2-3 days a week?

As for clowning for extra income, unless you're somewhat established then it will not likely be as helpful as you are thinking. There are quite a bit of costs in starting up (magic, balloons, pump, make-up, etc). If you have your starting supplies all ready, that will certainly help. The alternative of buying supplies per event is an option, but it cuts down on your profit a bit. Also, with gas prices expected to reach $5/gallon soon - travel will be pricey, and it will reach a point that what you will have to charge to come out ahead will rise, and people may look for cheaper alternatives. In the end, do what you feel you need to do - just don't expect clowning gigs to solve your potential financial dilemas...

my $.02

[Nettie Belle]

I'm having my third baby any day now- maybe tonight.

Wow! That is so sweet. I bet you can't wait.

Here is my opinion only ...

I think what Carrie said was a beautiful tribute to mothers. Being a mother is truly a blessing. Children grow up so fast. Each day that passes by is gone forever. If there is any way you can stay home with your children, I think you would benefit most from that. There will be days that you want to rip your hair out, but in the by and by, you will be happy staying home. For extra income, you are very fortunate to have your clowning available to you. That is very good income on a part time basis, and there will be times you could probably take your children with you.

Your career will always be waiting for you, but your children will grow up so quickly.

Most families are not able to live on one income, though, and if you have to go back to work, maybe go back on a part time basis.

Once you are holding that new little baby in your arms tonight or tomorrow, or whenever he/she is born, you will be so much in love, your career will be the last thing on your mind. I know you have felt that love with your other two children, but each child is unique and wonderful.

My kids are all grown now, and when I look back at their childhood pictures, I just can't believe how long ago it was. It seems like a short visit back in time but it was about 30 years ago. My oldest daughter will be 31 in May. I can't believe it!

It's getting harder and harder to lie about my age and say I'm 30. Not just by my sags, bags, and wrinkles, but my oldest would be older than me then. I stayed home with my children until my third one was in first grade, then I went back to work from 10:00a.m. (after my children were in school) and I got home at 2:00 (before they came home).

You know, one problem with staying at home ... fortunately, I didn't have this problem, but if they grow up and start robbing banks and convenience stores, you cannot blame their childhood babysitter for their actions.

Anyway, God bless you and your family. I hope all goes well for you. Your other two children are so cute ... and please post pictures of this new addition.

[applegirl]

Originally Posted by Waldo

PS: Please consider naming the baby after me, even if it is a girl, it would be unique.

We don't know the gender yet.

Our name choices as of now are-
Michael James

and

Isabella Waldo!

Whodathunkit?