Using Gags

HOW TO START WITH A GAG

A gag is any funny stunt worked by one or two clowns with a minimum of props. Here is an example of starting with a gag and then setting up a situation:

Sucker on the Line (two clowns)

(Clown One calls the other and asks) "Have you been doing any fishing?
Clown Two: Have I been what?
Clown One: Have you been doing any fishing?
Clown Two: I can't understand you.
Clown One: We must have a bad connection. I'll check my line.
(Clown One gets volunteer from audience and has them hold arms out like a telephone pole)
(Clown One calls again) Have you been doing any fishing?
Clown Two: I still can't understand you. Let me check my line.
(Clown Two gets volunteer from audience and has them hold their arms out like a telephone pole.) (this can be repeated up two or three more times)
(Clown One calls Clown Two again) How is the connection now?
Clown Two: Fine. I can hear you very well.
Clown One: Have you been doing any fishing?
Clown Two: Don't need to do any fishing. We already have plenty of suckers on the line.
(Suggested props—Use two tin cans as receivers with a long string in between)

GAGS WONDERFUL DOLLAR
Needed: Three clowns and a large dollar
First clown enters on stage and finds a dollar. He is very excited.
Second clown enters on stage and tells first clown that he owes him two dollars and he'll take one. The first clown gives him the dollar after some arguing.
Third clown enters on stage and tells second clown that he owes him two dollars and he'll take one. Second clown gives third clown the dollar after some arguing.
First clown comes back and tells third clown that he owes him two dollars and he'll take one. After some arguing the third clown gives the first clown the dollar.
Repeat this action until the dollar is again in the possession of the first clown.

First clown finally says, "This is a great day. I found a dollar, paid off a two dollar debt, and I still have a dollar! Boy, that's high financing!" Or he could add, "Now, isn't that amazing?!"

CHICKEN DINNER
Needed: One or more clowns
Props: Covered container, an ear of corn, and a tablecloth (or a blanket if you want to do it as a picnic)
Note: This skit may be used as a walkaround or on a stage production. Spread out tablecloth (or blanket) and invite a member of the audience (or another clown) to share your chicken dinner. Hand the guest the box of dinner and tell them to help themselves. When they pull out the ear of corn, you say, "Well that's what chickens eat isn't it?"
If using as a walkaround for a parade, stop and offer to share your dinner with a member of the audience. Then hand them the box of dinner and tell them to help themselves. When they look at you funny, you say, "Well, it's good enough for the chicken, isn't it?"

TIGHTROPE WALKER
Needed: Three clowns (one tightrope walker and two rope holders)
Props: Long rope, umbrella, play money, balloon
Two clowns hold a rope high in the air, and the third clown enters with greatness.

Walker is ready to walk the tightrope, but rope is too high, and he can't get on it. Walker pleads with first rope holder, and after some indecision, he lowers the rope slightly. Rope walker moves to the other holder and again begs for the rope to be lowered.
Finally, the second holder lowers the rope, but it is still too high. Walker pleads with both holders again and offers them money. They accept the money and lower the rope to the floor.
Walker opens his umbrella and starts his walk. Walker is scared, and when someone breaks a balloon when he's halfway across, he runs across the rest of the rope. Surprised and pleased at himself, the walker takes many bows, and the two rope holders grab him and drag him off stage.

MIRROR
Needed: Two clowns and a mirror
First clown starts talking to audience about the show. Second clown comes on stage crying with mirror in his hands. Acting concerned, the first clown asks, "What's the matter?"
The second clown gives the first clown the mirror and says, "What do you see?"
The first clown replies, "Me."
The second clown is relieved and says, "Thank goodness. I thought it was me."
Then first clown chases the second clown off stage.

REPORTER ON THE BRIDGE
Needed: Three clowns, a notebook and a pen.
Clown enters on stage with paper and pen, telling the audience he has a new job as a reporter. But, he has no story and doesn't know what to do! He remarks about standing on a bridge.
Just then a second clown enters crying. When asked what the matter is, he replies that a disaster has recently happened.
As the reporter consoles the unhappy clown, another unhappy clown enters and tells of a disaster that happened to him. The reporter suggest they all jump off the bridge and end it all.
The other two agree with the reporter, so the reporter says, "On the count of three, we will all jump off the bridge." The reporter counts to three, at which point the two unhappy clowns jump off the bridge. The reporter says, "Now I got a great story!"

WASH DAY BLUES
Needed: Four clowns
Props: Small bucket, three scarves, long rope, squirt gun or spray bottle and an umbrella full of confetti
Two clowns enter with a rope and hold as a clothes line. The third clown enters with the small bucket and the scarves. He then proceeds to hang the wash, commenting on the wonderful weather he's having.
The fourth clown enters behind his back with the water gun in one hand and the confetti-filled umbrella in the other hand. When the third clown is not looking, the fourth clown squirts water at him. The third clown asks the audience, "Is it raining out?"
This action is repeated twice more. The fourth clown finally shows himself and asks if the third clown would like an umbrella? The third clown takes the umbrella, opens it over his head, and is covered with confetti. He chases the fourth clown off stage, and the first two clowns follow.

THE TEA PARTY
Needed: Two or three clowns
Props: Magic tea pot, four plastic glasses, food coloring, four 9-12" silks that are the same color as the food coloring, magic bucket and stand; and confetti or torn paper.
The clowns are going to have a tea party. They sit down together to enjoy some tea.

Clown one starts to pour tea, but gets red liquid. He tries again three more times, and each time, the liquid is a different color, and it's not tea!
Seeing something is wrong, they discover the silks in the tea pot. They pour the colors into a bucket, and the second clown accidentally spills water on the first clown. They take off in a chase, and the second clown pretends to spill the bucket on the audience, who then get covered in confetti.

CLOWN STUNTS AND GAGS by Earl Chaney
PICKPOCKET
Needed: Two or three clowns
Props: A watch, billfold or wallet, magic bag, rope two-feet long, and one pair of clown underwear.
Clown One claims to be the world's greatest pickpocket, so the other two clowns challenge him.
Clown One manages to pick the watch out of Clown Two's pocket. Clown Two challenges him again, and Clown One ends up with Clown Two's wallet.
At this point, Clown Three brings out an anti-pickpocket device, which is a magic bag. Clown Two and Clown Three place the bag over Clown One's hands and tie it with the rope. They then challenge Clown One to pickpocket Clown Three. (nod heads with each other, sure he can't do it)
When they untie the bag, Clown One is holding Clown Three's underwear.
(Clown Three checks inside his pants and gets horrified look.)
Clown Two and Clown Three chase Clown One off stage.

CLOWN BOXING
Needed: Two or three clowns
Props: Two pairs of clown-style boxing gloves, two pair of clown-variety boxing trunks, two chairs, a cow bell, and a long shirt
This is a one-sided boxing match consisting of three rounds. The referee (Clown One) and Clown Two join forces so that Clown Two can win the match.
When the bell rings, Clown Two can always hit Clown Three, but when Clown Three tries to hit Clown Two, the referee rings the bell. This happens in each round.
In the final round, Clown Three ducks and Clown Two hits the referee. Referee and Clown Two begin to fight, and either the long shirt or his pair of pants drop—or both.

MARY HAD A LITTLE LAMB
Clown 1: Hi. I learned a new nursery rhyme and I've been practicing and practicing. Do you want to hear it?
"Mary had a little lamb, she did; she really did! Its fleece was white as snow. And everywhere that Mary went, the lamb was sure to go.
Clown 2: (walks in with watering can behind back) "(clown name), that was really good, but you know, that's the old-fashioned version. There's a new (insert year) version. Do you want to learn it?
(Clown 1 may may say no, and Clown 2 convinces her to try it. Clown 1 says "yes" and Clown 2 proceeds)
Clown 2: (watering can still behind back, and gesturing with other hand) "Mary Mary went for a walk one day, down the shady lane. When all of a sudden (pause) all of a sudden, down came the rain!" (says to Clown 1) Now, you try it.
Clown 1: OK. (while Clown 1 recites, Clown 2 walks behind Clown 1, showing he will pour water on Clown 1) "Mary went for a walk one day, down the shady lane. When all of a sudden (pause) all of a sudden, she had a great pain!"
Clown 2: (hurries to put watering can behind back) "No, no, that's not quite right. Let me repeat it for you. (repeats rhyme and then in a stern voice says, "You got that?"
Clown 1: (as Clown 1 recites, Clown 2 tries again to pour water on Clown 1) "Mary went for a walk one day, down the shady lane. When all of a sudden (pause) all of a sudden (looks up at sky) she saw a big crane!"
Clown 2: (hurries to put watering can behind back again, and in a madder voice says, "No! No! No! I'll repeat it again. Now pay attention and get it right this time!" (repeats the rhyme)
Clown 1: (Clown 2 tries one more time to pour water on Clown 1 while she recites) "Mary went for a walk one day, down the shady lane. When all of a sudden (pause) all of a sudden, she saw a choo-choo train (makes train sound)
Clown 2: (visibly disgusted, sets down watering can and steps forward) "I'll repeat it just one more time!" (repeats rhyme) Meanwhile, while Clown 2 is reciting, Clown 1 notices the can, picks it up and shows she will get Clown 1. When he says "rain" she pours water on Clown 1 (he reacts with surprise), she steps back and says, "Ha! Ha! Ha! I've heard that one before!" They chase off stage.

AT THE GREASY SPOON
Needed: Two clowns
Props: Table, chair, coffee pot, fake sandwich, peanut brittle (canned snake)
(Clown comes in and sits at the table) Waitress: (comes to table) What would you like today?
Clown: A million dollars. Waitress: We only serve food here.
Clown: What about coffee? Waitress: What about it?
Clown: Will you bring me some?
Waitress: OK. (brings coffee, trips, and spills it)
Clown: Oh, for heaven's sake!
Waitress: I'm sorry, I'm sorry. So sorry.
Clown: Just get me a B.L.T.
Waitress: A baloney, lard, and tuna?!
Clown: (rolls eyes) A bacon, lettuce and tomato sandwich!
Waitress: Why didn't you just say so? (goes to get sandwich)
Clown: (checks sandwich, sees no bacon, and complains)
Waitress: Sorry, Sir! We're all out of bacon.
Clown: Can I have some ketchup?
Waitress: (gets ketchup, trips, and spills it)
Clown: (complaining) How about some dessert?
Waitress: (leaves and comes back with candy—canned snake) (hands to clown)
Clown: What is this? (opens candy and snake jumps out) (chase off stage)