Ey up from Sheffield, UK

[Curley Wurley]

Ey up to everyone. I've been hanging around for a while learning lots from everyone so a big thankyou to all who post and share their wisdom and experience.

I've released my inner clown at long last and am beginning to be rewarded for it. I'm finding a good balance between paid for entertaining and exploring clowning so I'm happy.

Thanks again

Cheers

[The_Princess_of_Bozonia]

Welcome Curley!

[Fitzwilly]

Welcome to the Forum. Glad you decided to become active in the conversations. We look forward to getting to know you better.

[Sir Toony Van Dukes]

I know you have been around a while, but now I can officially say, Welcome to the Clown Forum! Tell us about your inner clown.

[Ty-Me]

Welcome aboard Curley.

[Harpoetta]

Well, since you've been to the forum before, I'll say welcome to the Family instead!

[Scruffy]

Welcome to the club Curley, We're glad you decided to join in the party.
Cheers,
Scruffy

[saphireSue]

Howdy and welcome to the group

[Curley Wurley]

Thanks for the welcome. Its a bit of a story my journey so I'll just tackle it quickly and then field questions.

I've battled depression over the years, brought on by a number of factors, social and physical / medical but the real issue that troubled me was a sense that I was pregnant with creativity but couldn't birth it. I'd sit in front of a blank piece of paper and struggle to make more than a few marks and then get frustrated with the rubbishness of it all. My creativity was becoming stifled and it was more like a tumour than a pregnancy.

Thankfully a counsellor referred me to an Art Therapist who helped me to get to the bottom of things. Essentially I was editing everything before it was expressed and dismissing it as not worthy. I could never be good enough, or compete with so and so, a failure. Bit by bit we explored the real process of making art and looking at it from the process and not the end product. I began to see things differently. I still struggled though to find an art form I could do.

One day I was reflecting on a black line I had drawn on a piece of paper and in my mind it began to become an opening. I played with this shape and I realised it was a fissure in the side of a mountain, I then began to explore the idea of larva spilling out though it. This symbolised my creativity being realised. The more I followed this I realised that I was actually scared of releasing it too much and that I was afraid that the creativity would actually be madness.

Further reflection on this brought an amazing insight, out of the larva appeared an enormous pair of red shoes, followed by a big red nose. In a nutshell a clown, which represented both sides of the creativity and madness but in a safe form. The clown was born.

Further work made me realise that instead of doing something on paper or in clay that I was the canvas on which to explore my art.

I'll sign off there and next time share the journey from that point to where I am now.

Cheers

[Axe]

Wonderful to have you here on the forum Curley! Believe me, I can relate with 'alot' of the things you relayed in your post. I too prefer to sit back, watch and learn. I've had issues with my art too, thinking it wasn't good enough; but then I think every artist has those issues.