Why, Why, Why

[Willace-the-Clown]

Why Do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting dead?

Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough money?

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?

Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?

Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?

If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?

Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?

Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?

Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?

Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?

Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?

How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?

When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, "It's all right?" Well, it isn't all right, so why don't we say, "That hurt, you stupid idiot?"

Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?

In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?

How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?

And my FAVORITE......

The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends -- if they're okay, then it's you.

[Snugglesnort]

To me, the funny thing about this sort of thing is that people ask them and then never bother putting up a theory or doing some research to find the answers...

Why Do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting dead?
Because if you press harder then the connection is bigger and the little power that is there might be enough to do something with.

Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough money?
Because they don't want you to spend money you don't have, because it would be their money.

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?
You can touch paint. Four billion is code for "alot more then you want to count."

Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?
Because you want to use the glue again don't you? There is no such thing as universal glue, so the people who make the glue make the bottles something that the glue won't stick to.

Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?
The humanitarian movement.

Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
Men with no beard were sexier then men with beards when that image of tarazan was created.

Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him?
He doesn't, Christofer Reeve does. It was a character break.

Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
Control. They want to get to the ship before they crash. It is no good if you bang your head pass out and fall in the ocean.

Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?
Apperantly it is from the old english word "wlyspian" so therefore it was some old Germanic tribesman bad joke

If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?
Niche. We have one, and the apes have another. Several others really. Evolution is exponetial and factal not linier.

Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?
Are they white? They look clear to me. The whiteness comes from an illusion of closely packed tiny bubble walls. The light gets bent around so much it just sort of all reflects back at you thus looking white.

Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?
No. People buy things more if they believe they are getting a deal. People who sell expensive things like cars, mattresses, computers, clothing, shoes, to cheap people, have found that if you always have a "sale" of some sort gong on people are more likely to invest in it. There have been some place that have had "!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Going out of Business Sale!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for years.

Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that something new to eat will have materialized?
If you live in a house with more then one person. It often does.

Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?
Technology is supposed to do it's job. It better do it, otherwise what is the point? We like to give out technology one more chance before we bring out the sledge or put it in a repair shop. Besides, the trash can is in the other room.

Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?
For the same reason that you can make a hover craft, if you tie a peice of butterd bread, butter side up to the back of cat. Some things in the universe are just wierd.

How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?
Lots of effort. You might too if your purpose in life was to follow the sun, and a handy close by sun just appeard one night.

When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, "It's all right?" Well, it isn't all right, so why don't we say, "That hurt, you stupid idiot?"
That is called politeness. It tends to help with things not becoming much more painful very quickly.

Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off the table you always manage to knock something else over?
Because you were not trained my a master ninja. Also you have too much stuff on the table that is nockable. Also you are clown so it is all good anyways. You could build a routine around it and get paid a hundred bucks or so an hour to knock things off tables.

In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?
Perceptional difference. You don't in fact turn your house up to 90 degrees in the winter. It only seems like it is nintey degrees, when you walk in to a 75 degree house from a -20 outside. Try this: put some water out of the tap into a big bowl and set it on the table. Get some ice out of the frezer and put it in a small bowl next to the stove. Turn on the stove and hold you right hand over it while you let your left hand rest on the ice. Hold it until both seem fairly normal tempretured. Now go to the bowl of water and stick your hands in it. Is the water hot or cold?

How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?
Becuase father-in-laws keep to themselves relativily speaking.

And my FAVORITE......

The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four persons is suffering from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends -- if they're okay, then it's you.
Untrue statement. Me and about ten or twenty of my freinds have some form of A.D.D.

And always remember: half of the people you meet are below average.

I spent a week a few years ago comming up with answers to these types of questions on a another forum too. It is unfortunate that I can't find them.