just a little push

[Gladman]

A man and his wife were awakened at 3:00 am by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.

"Not a chance," says the husband, "it is 3:00 in the morning!" He slams the door and returns to bed.

"Who was that?" asked his wife.

"Just some drunken guy asking for a push," he answers.

"Did you help him?" she asks.

"No, I did not, it is 3:00 in the morning and it is pouring rain out there!"

"Well, you have a short memory," says his wife. "Can't you remember about three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself!"

The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain. He calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?"

"Yes," comes back the answer.

"Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband.

"Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark.

"Where are you?" asks the husband.

"Over here on the swing," replied the drunk.

[Chance Marmalade]

A man is in a bar and as he's eating peanuts and having a drink he hears a little voice. "Nice tie!" Looking around he doesn't see anyone who may have made the remark and continues enjoying his drink. Then he hears the same voice again, "Nice hat!". He searches the faces of the patrons nearby and can not figure out who the voice came from. He turns to the bartender and says. "Did you hear that voice?" The bartender nods and smiles. "It's the nuts. they're complimentary."

[Flower1]

I wasnt expecting that