Jokes To Offend Everyone!

[Harpoetta]

What is the difference between a Harley and a Hoover?
The position of the dirt bag.

Why is divorce so expensive?
Because it's worth it.

What do you see when the Pillsbury Dough Boy bends over?
Doughnuts.

Why is air a lot like sex?
Because it's no big deal unless you're not getting any.

What do you call a smart blonde?
A golden retriever.

What do attorneys use for birth control?
Their personalities.

What's the difference between a girlfriend and wife?
45 lbs.

What's the difference between a boyfriend and husband?
45 minutes.

Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can't stand criticism.

Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring,
and good-looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.

What's the difference between a new husband and a new dog?
After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.

What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no
intention of driving.

What's the difference between a porcupine and BMW?
A porcupine has the pricks on the outside.

What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
"Are you sure it's mine?"

Why did OJ Simpson want to move to West Virginia?
Everyone has the same DNA.

Did you hear about the dyslexic Rabbi?
He walks around saying "Yo."

Why do drivers' education classes in Redneck schools use the car only on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays?
Because on Tuesday and Thursday, the Sex Ed class uses
it.

Where does an Irish family go on vacation?
A different bar.

What would you call it when an Italian has one arm shorter than the other?
A speech impediment.

What does it mean when the Flag at the Post Office is flying at half-staff?
They're hiring.

What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo?
A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front
of the cage along with... "a recipe".

How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word?
Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!

What's the difference between a northern fairytale and a southern fairytale?
A northern fairytale begins "Once upon a time..." A
southern fairytale begins "Y'all ain't gonna believe this
crap!"

[Harpoetta]

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
A Recent Survey Was Conducted Also To Discover Why Men Get Out Of Bed In The Middle Of The Night. Here Are The Survey Results :
5% Said It Was To Get A Glass Of Water
12% Said It Was To Go To The Bathroom
83% Said It Was To Go Home
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
The Perfect Breakfast...as A Man Sees It.....
You're Sitting At The Table And Your Son Is On The Cover Of Wheaties......
Your Mistress Is On The Cover Of Playboy........
And Your Wife Is On The Back Of The Milk Carton.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What's The Best Form Of Birth Control After 50?
Nudity
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
What's The Cuban National Anthem?
Row, Row, Row Your Boat........

[Yin Yang]

Don't those jokes violate clown ethics? Code of Ethics - Eight Clown Commandments

[Markie]

One code of ethics one person thought up isn't a legally binding document all clowns must adhere to... And even the rules you point to are "while in costume and makeup" in public...

[pixcoco]

I'll make sure I don't type while in clown.

[Harpoetta]

Rule 1. I will keep my acts, performance and behavior in good taste while I am in costume and makeup. I will remember at all times that I have been accepted as a member of the clown club only to provide others, principally children, with clean clown comedy entertainment. I will remember that a good clown entertains others by making fun of himself or herself and not at the expense or embarrassment of others.

Okay, so in the clown code of ethics, which I had never heard of until you put in the link, the first one says what is stated above.

1. I was not in makeup, or, since I don't use makeup, costume. Nor was I performing, I was simply sharing some jokes with a friend.
2. Sometimes adults need to have some fun too.
3. I am Irish, and there was a joke on the Irish. There were some in the original list that I did not put in because I thought they actually might offend people.

I did have a couple other points that I opted not to put in because they might offend people who are on the "Political Correctness Police Squad".

Besides, Tim, Fitzwilly, Grandpa Weatherbie, K G, R D, Saphire Sue, and Scruffy all laughed, so they couldn't have been that bad, Fitz is moderator, and a good friend of mine, if he thought it was off-color, he'd have told me so by now. I think that if Markie thought they were that bad, he'd have said something to me, too, by now.

Some of my other jokes make fun of blonds, I'M A BLOND! Some of them make fun of women, I'M A WOMAN!

[RAZZLE_DAZZLE]

I loved all your Jokes But not the 1st one.

Hey... I ride a Harley!
And I belong to Christian Motorcycle Association, so therefore I'm a Christian Biker.

Or now I say Christian Clown Biker.... Ha! Ha!
I do have a sense of humor... so I'm not offended.


So... I must say to everyone that all Bikers are not Dirt Bags!

Jesus Loves You And SO Do I...

from Razz

[Iffy08]

What do you call a fly without wings?

A Walk.

[pixcoco]

I love that.
What do you call a stick you find out in the yard.

A yard stick

[Fifi D. Clown]

What is Mary short for?

She's just got little legs, I guess.