Questions That Haunt Me!

[Harpoetta]

QUESTIONS THAT HAUNT ME!
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If one has sex with a prostitute against her will, is it considered rape or shoplifting?
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Can you cry under water?
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How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
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Why do you have to 'put your two cents in'... but it's only a 'penny for your thoughts'? Where's that extra penny going to?
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Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?
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Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
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What disease did cured ham actually have?
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How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
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Why is it that people say they 'slept like a baby' when babies wake up like every two hours?
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If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
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Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?
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Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
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Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.
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Why is 'bra' singular and 'panties' plural?
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Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
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If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?
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Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?
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If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?
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Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!
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If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?
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If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?
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If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
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Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
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Why did you just try singing the two songs above?
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Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your butt?
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Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride, he sticks his head out the window?

[Pinky59]

My fave is the Wile E. Coyote one. Too funny!

[Sassy Frass]

OMGOODNESS!!!
Those were too funny!
My Fav.

If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from
vegetables, what is baby oil made from?

[Willace-the-Clown]

the first question really happened it was cunsidered shoplifting by the judge. I read it on a online news thing Now for something funny.
Jimmy Cracks corn & i don't care Jimmy Cracks corn & i dont care Jimmy got hit by a watermelion & i still dont care

[Fitzwilly]

Katie - Those sound like things your dad would through out in the middle of a conversation just to see if you were following his conversation... or when I was in the middle of taking a drink.

[Snugglesnort]

I was never a fan unanswered questions like this. I don't think they are witty, and bugs the heck out of me that people don't answer them. So whenever I see them. I do.

If one has sex with a prostitute against her will, is it considered
rape or shoplifting?

Yes.
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Can you cry under water?

Sure. Why not? Tears arent water, nad no one would see them, but that doenst mean you wouldn't be crying.
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How important does a person have to be before they are considered
assassinated instead of just murdered?

I think it depends more on of movtive of the killer than the importance of the victim. I think it has to be planned, just about killing the person, and done for political or ideological reasons.
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Why do you have to 'put your two cents in'... but it's only a 'penny for your thoughts'? Where's that extra penny going to?

What you actually give pennies and keep an account?
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Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?

I dont think so. I think there something somewhere in the Bible that talks about pure white rainment.
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Why does a round pizza come in a square box?

Rectangular boxes and round pizzas are both easier to make
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What disease did cured ham actually have?

decay. or rather it would if it hadn't been cured first.
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How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?

because before that people wern't stingy about investing in luggage carts
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hy is it that people say they 'slept like a baby' when babies wake
up like every two hours?

It relates more to the babies absence of cares in life and what babies look like when asleep more than the leangth of their sleep.
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If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?

Yes. It is not the deaf person that has to hear.
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Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?

Your also IN a TV Show and ON a movie screen. TV shows and movies are things of time, so you are in them, between the beginning and end. Movie screens and TVs are object in space so you are on them.
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Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in
binoculars to look at things on the ground?

Because there is a sucker born every minute, and there is a great feeling of power when you can see things for miles and then zoom in on them.
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Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.

Not necessairly. Also it is a feeling of control thing for you not for them.
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Why is 'bra' singular and 'panties' plural?

Bra refers to the object itself. Panties, comes from pants which cover you legs so they must be plural too.
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Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a
horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?

Because different things to toast need differet settings, and as a engineer you can never be too cautious.
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If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song
about him?

Actually the theory is that it is supposed to read "Give me cracked corn" as in corn whiskey "because I don't care" what happens to me.
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Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?

I seriously doubt it is leagal but I can't see it getting pulled over either.
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If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a
coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?

Because then there would be no TV show.
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Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!

Different character types. duh.
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If Wile E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why
didn't he just buy dinner?

1) It's the principle of the thing.
2) He couldn't buy lunch on credit where as he had a account with Acme
3) No one wanted to deliever out there in the desert.
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If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from
vegetables, what is baby oil made from?

Petrolium... Oil of Corn. Oil of Vegetebles. Oil FOR Babies. Oil FOR motors ect... Sometimes the english language just doesn't cut it.
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If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

Electricity is electrons. Morality is morals.
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Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?

Yes, along with baa baa black sheep.
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Why did you just try singing the two songs above?

Funnily enough I didn't. I worked that out along long time ago. Seriously. I is a folk musician, I know these things.

[The_Princess_of_Bozonia]

Mostly funny, but I must say I didn't care for the first one. Rape is not funny, no matter who the victim is.

[Goober]

You know, this one has always bothered me:
If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn?
I think there's no answer because even if you fond a Smurf, you'd want to sell it to science, not choke it to death!