More Jokes

[ashes]

Last night I dreamt I was a muffler on a '57 chevy..... I woke up exhausted!


Yesterday I met a man with a wooden leg named Smith. Wha was the name of his other leg?


Did you leave home? Yes, I left home today. Did you put the dog out? I didn't know he was on fire!

[Scruffy]

Oh brother!
I've got to share there. Here's a few to "Gag" on...

1. Two antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married. The
ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

2. Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I've lost my
electron." The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies, "Yes,
I'm positive..."

3. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve
you, but don't start anything."

4. A sandwich walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry we don't
serve food in here."

5. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

6. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and
says:"A beer please, and one for the road."

7. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this
taste funny to you?"

8. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home. '"
"That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome." "Is it common?" "It's Not
Unusual."

9. Two cows standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to
Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe
you," said Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" exclaimed Daisy.

10. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing
to look at either.

11. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.

12. A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says, "My dog's
cross-eyed, is there any thing you can do for him?" "Well," says the
vet, "let's have a look at him." So he picks the dog up and examines
his eyes. Finally, he says, "I'm going to have to put him down."
"What? Because he's cross-eyed?" "No, because he's really heavy."

13. Apparently, one in five people in the world are Chinese. And there
are five people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either
my mom or my dad or maybe my older brother Calvin or my younger
brother Ho-Chin. But I'm pretty sure it's Calvin.

14. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I
couldn't find any.

15. I went to the butcher's the other day to bet him 50 bucks that he
couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, "No, the steaks
are too high."

16. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted,
"Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know
you can't - I've cut off your arms!"

17. I went to a seafood disco last week and pulled a mussel.

18. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly; but when they lit a
fire in the craft, it sank, proving that you can't have your kayak and
heat it too.

19. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

The Tom Jones one would work great in the Dr. Skit we messed around with awhile back.

[ashes]

Two drums and a cymbal fell down the stairs...

bud-dump bing

(ok, it SOUNDS better than it reads!!!)

[Walmoe1]

[quote="ashes"]Last night I dreamt I was a muffler on a '57 chevy..... I woke up exhausted!


Yesterday I met a man with a wooden leg named Smith. Wha was the name of his other leg?


Did you leave home? Yes, I left home today. Did you put the dog out? I didn't know he was on fire![/quote

---------------HOT DOG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Walmoe1]

Originally Posted by Scruffy

Oh brother!
I've got to share there. Here's a few to "Gag" on...

1. Two antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married. The
ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

2. Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I've lost my
electron." The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies, "Yes,
I'm positive..."

3. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve
you, but don't start anything."

4. A sandwich walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry we don't
serve food in here."

5. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

6. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and
says:"A beer please, and one for the road."

7. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this
taste funny to you?"

8. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home. '"
"That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome." "Is it common?" "It's Not
Unusual."

9. Two cows standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to
Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe
you," said Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" exclaimed Daisy.

10. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing
to look at either.

11. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.

12. A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says, "My dog's
cross-eyed, is there any thing you can do for him?" "Well," says the
vet, "let's have a look at him." So he picks the dog up and examines
his eyes. Finally, he says, "I'm going to have to put him down."
"What? Because he's cross-eyed?" "No, because he's really heavy."

13. Apparently, one in five people in the world are Chinese. And there
are five people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either
my mom or my dad or maybe my older brother Calvin or my younger
brother Ho-Chin. But I'm pretty sure it's Calvin.

14. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I
couldn't find any.

15. I went to the butcher's the other day to bet him 50 bucks that he
couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, "No, the steaks
are too high."

16. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted,
"Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know
you can't - I've cut off your arms!"

17. I went to a seafood disco last week and pulled a mussel.

18. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly; but when they lit a
fire in the craft, it sank, proving that you can't have your kayak and
heat it too.

19. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

The Tom Jones one would work great in the Dr. Skit we messed around with awhile back.

------------Those are so bad--THAT THEY ARE GOOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[saphireSue]

please forgive if its a repeat

a woman was in the hospital when she coded, well she saw the white light and heard the voice of God telling her to go back it wasn't her time. She asked how long she had and he told her 30 more years.

So She thought while she was in the hospital she'g get every thing she ever wanted done and really live since she had 30 years.
Face lift, tummy tuck, breast enhancements, lipsuction, even had a hairdresser come in and give her a new make over and died her hair blond. She was really looking good the day she was dismissed from the hospital, Well , she was walking across the road and was hit by a bus and died. went to heaven. She was confused and asked What happened "I thought I had 30 more years"

God looked at her strangely and stated "I didn't recognize you...

[Walmoe1]

Originally Posted by Scruffy

Oh brother!
I've got to share there. Here's a few to "Gag" on...

1. Two antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married. The
ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

2. Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I've lost my
electron." The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies, "Yes,
I'm positive..."

3. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve
you, but don't start anything."

4. A sandwich walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry we don't
serve food in here."

5. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.

6. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and
says:"A beer please, and one for the road."

7. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this
taste funny to you?"

8. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home. '"
"That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome." "Is it common?" "It's Not
Unusual."

9. Two cows standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to
Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe
you," said Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" exclaimed Daisy.

10. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing
to look at either.

11. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.

12. A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says, "My dog's
cross-eyed, is there any thing you can do for him?" "Well," says the
vet, "let's have a look at him." So he picks the dog up and examines
his eyes. Finally, he says, "I'm going to have to put him down."
"What? Because he's cross-eyed?" "No, because he's really heavy."

13. Apparently, one in five people in the world are Chinese. And there
are five people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either
my mom or my dad or maybe my older brother Calvin or my younger
brother Ho-Chin. But I'm pretty sure it's Calvin.

14. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I
couldn't find any.

15. I went to the butcher's the other day to bet him 50 bucks that he
couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, "No, the steaks
are too high."

16. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted,
"Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know
you can't - I've cut off your arms!"

17. I went to a seafood disco last week and pulled a mussel.

18. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly; but when they lit a
fire in the craft, it sank, proving that you can't have your kayak and
heat it too.

19. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

The Tom Jones one would work great in the Dr. Skit we messed around with awhile back.

Of courseI will be obligated to steal this material.

[saphireSue]

Blonde went ice fishing had all the proper equipment, set up and got ready to fish, then she heard a voice from above "there are no fish under the ice', so she picks up her equipment and moves on down the ice then again the voice from above "there are no fish under the ice", so she moves the edge of the ice and starts to set up and once again "there are no fish under the ice". She looks up and ask are you God and the voice replies "No I'm Steve, the ice ring manager"

it was on the radio this morning.

[Willace-the-Clown]

Five year old Melanie asked her Granny how old she was. Granny replied she was so old she didn't remember any more. Melanie said:

"If you don't remember just look in the back of your panties. Mine say five to six."

[saphireSue]

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: