Yog-Ha

[Bone Daddy Phunston]

For an event I was invited too a couple years ago I came up with this Yog-Ha skit, otherwise known as funny yoga. I went over the skit with a couple of close friends and had them to my sides ala morning exercise shows. This skit requires a bit of room so I can't use it often. At some of the festivals I attend they have a morning yoga class, so there the scene is set for me to just walk up and start "teaching", I get through a couple of positions before they use a cane on me. Now before anyone jumps on me, this was an adults only event so some of the positions and names are not for children in front of the parents. And this is Yog-Ha:

Since our resident yoga expert Polysorbate has been called to another event this weekend, I have created this tribute for her connecting me to this event. I Yogi Swami Salami will lead a class in Yog-Ha, everyone gather ‘round now. These are my assistants Pastrami, Pastrami will be doing the advanced version of these postitions and Bologna will be doing the left handed version of these positions.

Spread out, make room.
Begin by standing straight and tall with your arms at your sides. That’s good, now take a deep cleansing breath and hold it. Hold it, hold it, hold it, everyone feeling dizzy yet? Good we’re there, that’s enough now exhale.

And on to our first position. It is known as our starting position, we will return to this position when I tell you. Everybody look at a neighbor, see how they are standing. Good, that is your starting position.
Now on to our second position. Place your hands on your hips. That’s it. Now rotate your hips clockwise or counter clockwise if you’re from the southern hemisphere. This is known as “Twirling the Loins”. Excellent. Return to starting position

Now the third position, take your right arm and place your finger tips on top of your head like this. Now do the same with your left arm. This is the “Shitake Mushroom Sprout” position. Return to starting position.

Next position goes like this bend at the waist and hold your arms down in front of you like this, now retch. This is called the “Hurling Turkey” or “Technicolor Yawn” position.

Now right into our next position bending your knees lower your butt toward the ground place your hands palm down on the floor between your feet. This is the “Crouching Frog” or “Lotus Leaper” position. Excellent.

From this position kneel down and extend your body out supporting your front half with your arms. Now lift your right leg with your knee moving out to the right. This is the “Wetting the Tree” or “Pissing Canine” position. Great job everybody.

Since we are mostly down on the floor roll over on your back and raise your knees up toward your chest and grab a hold of your knees and pull toward your head. This is the “Fertile Ferret” or in some countries this position is known as “Light Your Own Fart”.

And finally on to our last position. Roll over on your stomach, extend your left arm above your head and place your right hand in front of your mouth. This is the “Sleeping Clown” position.


Thank you all for enjoying the phun of Yog-Ha with me. See you all at the next class. “Yogi Swami Salami Out”

Any laughs, I thank you.
If this wasn't for you, maybe different names or positions would make you feel more comfortable but the idea is phun to perform.

Happy April Fools

[Barry Daft (Mr. B. Daft)]

Thank you PD Phunston, I hope soon, your going to post up some pictures too. I shall be signing up for your second class. I may even have a few yoga positions, that you may be interested to try.

I was taught Yogi by a Filipino contortionist, we used to call her the Manilla Folder.

Its a shame you can't see me right now, because you probably wont believe that I am in this exact same position, typing with my left elbow.




I am actually right handed!